I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
