he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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