I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
