We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
