I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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