When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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