Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
