have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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