The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
