I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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