It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
