She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
