the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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