i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh god it's open bar.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
