Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
