Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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