I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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