do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
