im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
