stop calling my apartment porn island.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
