I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
worst night to have a conscience
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
