does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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