I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
