just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
