I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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