Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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