I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
