Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
