So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
