no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
