I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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