I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
