How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
