this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your cock deserves a montage
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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