Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
