I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Still dying that you shit outside
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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