I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
