So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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