Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
