oh fat girl friday strikes again...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
