Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were trust falling into bushes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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