Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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