I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
