hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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