Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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