i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
