It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
