I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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