walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My vagina is officially offended.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
