I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
