I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
