Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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