Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
