i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
