I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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