Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
