help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
