Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
